I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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