i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
