You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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