the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
