I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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