sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
