No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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