I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
