mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
