Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
