please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
