Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
