I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
