haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
