i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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