I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
