you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
