you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
