Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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