If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
