We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
