He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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