I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You need a sexual gate keeper
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
