she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
