I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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