how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
