Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
