she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
