Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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