Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just cut my nipple shaving
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
