I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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