I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
