Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
