he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
whose parrot is this?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
