So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
