My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I need to align my fucking chakras
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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