im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Are my feet made of real feet?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
