she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
