You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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