I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
