i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
