i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
