When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
