the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
