how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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