just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
