So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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