I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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