First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
