I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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