The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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