I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
